Just to prove to my family and friends that I am indeed still alive (come on, Vancouver only gets 3 weeks of Summer, and I’m taking advantage of it) I’ve decided to fire this bloggle thing up with a (not so fresh) post.
In case you missed it the first time making the rounds, here’s Phoenix Sun’s Shaquille O’Neal ripping Kobe Bryant.
Believe me, I’m not a Kobe fan, but Shaq, if you’re reading this, your ass tastes like poopie.
- Coach Mitch Mitchel
We recently brought you some photos of Calgary Flames defenceman and mouth-breathing troglodyte Dion Phaneuf cavorting on a beach with perennial men’s mag model Elisha Cuthbert. We held this up as an example of why the deck is stacked against you, the average schlub, and we implied your life would be better spent embracing alcohol or sticking your head in the oven.
In that vein, here’s a photo of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger with girlfriend (last we heard) Missy Peregrym. Missy’s no stranger to False Gods, having graced our site in a previous installment of Sweet Sassy Molassy.
And she’s with this guy. Like, seriously. What’s with the Frankenstein haircut, dude? All it needs are a coupla bolts sticking out of your neck. Fucking guy looks like he crashed a motorbike while he wasn’t wearing a helmet. Oh, wait . . .too soon?
It isn’t exactly news that these two are dating, so why do we bring this up? Well, Missy has been good to us in terms of bringing traffic to our little blog here. And occasionally we like to make fun of search terms that bring people to our site.
This week, one of the search terms was “how did missy peregrym get her body.” Before we answer that, let’s take another quick look:
So how did Missy get her body? No idea. Prolly exercise, a decent diet and a good gene pool. How does Big Ben get to tap that? We’re not sure, but we’re guessing it had something to do with a pentagram, reading from the Necronomicon, and a contract written in blood.
- The Sieve
The Toronto Maple Leafs, without a head coach since firing Paul Maurice after missing the playoffs in two consecutive seasons, have announced the position will be filled by campy former KACL food and restaurant critic Gil Chesterton.
The move comes as a surprise to many NHL analysts, since the Leafs have yet to hire a permanent replacement for interim general manager Cliff Fletcher. Most observers also assumed Canada’s team would hire someone with more experience, given the intense pressure of coaching in the hockey-mad Centre of the Universe.
When reached for comment, Chesterton said he was looking forward to acquainting himself with his team:
“Obviously our first priority will be to evaluate the players ahead of the upcoming draft. I plan to personally plumb the depth chart, to see what kind of tools we have on this team and where we can shore up our sweaty, glistening young talent. Oh, for Heaven’s sake! Frasier, have you seen my leave-in conditioner?”
- The Sieve
Steve Yzerman, Brian Leetch, Brett Hull, Luc Robitaille and (yes you) Lou Lamarillo are ON THE KWAN - AND - inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame.
