Archive for the ‘stunt doubles’ Category

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Toews and Kane left me some rookie tracks

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

mantracker_quenneville

It’s like one of those rustic hole-in-the-wall bars that have been around FOREVER, but it wasn’t until a friend points it out that you notice it. You’ve passed it by a million times. Right under your nose like a pedo-cop moustache. That’s what this this stunt-double is like.

On the left we have Terry Grant, a.k.a. Mantracker. He’s the star of the T.V. series Mantracker. The premise is pretty straight forward. Terry, err Mantracker and a sidekick, while on horseback, hunt down two contestants that are creepily referred to as “the prey”. Not always men, the prey are at times women or couples – but Persontracker doesn’t have the cell block shower ring to it.

On the right is the Chicago Black Hawks coach, Joel Quenneville. Quenneville was drafted as a player by the Toronto Maple Leafs, and his professional career included stints with the Colorado Rockies, Hartford Whalers, Washington Capitals, and the Baltimore Skinflutes Skipjacks.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Science fiction double feature

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

guerinfurter

“Stunt Doubles” is the segment where we pick a picture of a sports figure and juxtapose a photo of some other random person who vaguely resembles the sports figure. Then we laugh.

Two Stunt Doubles posts in a row! This is unprecedented. It’s also a pretty good indication of how lazy we are.

Ahem. Anyway. Bill Guerin, perennial analyst fodder for NHL trade deadline day and free agency season, on the left. On the right, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

I think it’s pretty obvious what Billy does in the off-season. He practices his jumping to the left, and his stepping to the right.

False Gods lab rat lazycomet recently said he wouldn’t mind seeing the Canucks go after Guerin. That could work out really well, at least for dressing room chemistry. There’s nothing like putting on a musical together for team-building. Mattias Ohlund as Brad (ASSHOLE!), Roberto Luongo as Eddie, Alain Vigneault as Dr. Everett V. Scott, the Sedins as twin Rocky Horrors. Pavol Demitra as Riff-Raff.

I think we’re on to something here. We just need nominations for the roles of Magenta, Columbia and Janet (SLUT!) Feel free to leave your votes in the comments.

- The Sieve

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Stunt Doubles: In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

dollarfrosh

“Stunt Doubles” is the segment where we pick a picture of a sports figure and juxtapose a photo of some other random person who vaguely resembles the sports figure. And then we laugh.

This edition of Stunt Doubles isn’t so much a juxtaposition of two people who look alike as it is an illustration of a likely progression.

On the left, we have maniacal serial killer Francis Dollarhyde, as portrayed by Tom Noonan in the Michael Mann classic Manhunter. Manhunter, also starring a young Gil Grissom William Peterson, remains the best Hannibal Lecter film ever made. I’ll eat the liver of anyone who says otherwise. With some Fava beans and a nice Chianti. Manhunter also gave us this ending. Hence the In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida reference in the post title.

On the right, we have Vancouver Canucks prospect Mats Froshaug. The Norwegian forward is best known for spawning this unintentional laugher on the perenially positive Canucks.com Web site:

He started this season with Linköpings HC, recording one assist in 20 games before being loaned to rival Luleå HF. Frøshaug didn’t fair (sic) much better there with one assist in 14 contests; it’s tough for 20-year-olds to break into the Champions Hockey League, so Frøshaug was relegated to Sparta Sarpsborg HC in Norway where he’s already back to his old self.

Translation: “Yeah, we had him playing on this one team where he didn’t do anything, so we moved him to another team where he didn’t do anything. Now we have him on this other team in a lower division, and he looks OK again. Phew.” Way to pluck those hidden draft gems, guys.

So, um, yeah. Froshaug looks like a young Dollarhyde. Ha ha. Laugh.

- The Sieve

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Round 2 Roethlesroundup

Friday, January 9th, 2009

So maybe I went 2 for 4 during the Wild Card week, but who could anticipate Tony Dungy would be such an idiot and gamble on the 4 and 1 instead of kicking a field goal? (Note: that field goal would have been the difference). Unfortunately, I was only able to listen to this game on the radio as it conflicted with the pre-scheduled viewing of General Hospital in the mess hall. But none of that matters now, it’s a new round and since you’re still reading, I’ll give you this weeks leadpipers.

Ravesn @ Titans -3 – Take the Titans. According to my cellmate, “Alice”, Kerry Collins has pretty hands – yikes!

Cardinals @ Panthers -10 – Make no mistake, the Panthers WILL WIN THIS GAME… but they won’t cover the dime. Take the Cards and the points. IDIOT CHECK: If you’re playing the moneyline, take the Panthers.

Eagles @ Giants -4 – Yes, the Eagles are peaking at the right time, but the Giants are going to win it all. Expect a post Super Bowl Payton Manning melt-down. Giants – all the way.

Chargers @ Steelers -6 - Take the Chargers. I know I had written SanD off last week, but I’ve uncovered some irrefutable evidence on why the Steelers can’t possible win this one:

I could have gone with the Mike Tomlin / Bernie Mac stunt-double pick, but that one has been done to death.

I’d like to thank all the loyal well-wishers, who have been sending me “Get Out Soon” cards, however, I did not appreciate the chocolate cake made with exlax. Not funny.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Side Kicks

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008

The CFL season is over (kudos to the Stamps), the NFL is in full swing and the Canucks are kicking heiney; so where have we been? Digging up little gems like this for your viewing pleasure:

On the left is Detroit Red Wings Chris Draper on the right is yo Daddy, Chuck Norris. While the rest of you are reading this blog FOR FREE we’re here at the False Gods offices scouring the inter web – just for you. That’s right. Our readership comes first – I haven’t even begun Christmas shopping – hell, there might not even be Christmas this year at the Mitchel’s. 

Sorry honey, I didn’t get a chance to buy presents this year, but hey, check out this blog entry I did for…. hey where are you going?

Not that the job (ha, job, that’s funny) doesn’t provide valuable insights. For instance, when doing a GOOGLE for Chuck Norris, all photos have either a truck, explosion or old Glory in the background. I believe the backdrop in the photo above is Chuck’s bed sheets.

In case you missed it, the title of this entry is in reference to one of Chuck’s more family oriented pictures. Great for the holidays!

Glove tap to “The Finisher” for bringing this all to my attention.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Lil’ Kipper

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008


I couldn’t stand looking at Schalongo’s mug any luonger. But not to go too easy on myself, I’ve replaced it with Miikka Kiprusoff’s “biggest” fan, Brennan Peters. The ptaint-on beard makes for an easy target (I don’t have kids, so I can go there), but don’t we all cringe at the possibility of our past hero-worship transgressions being discovered and outed? Lately I’ve tried to subconsciously buy in to the somewhat sad, yet telling, notion that Luongo’s “C” chin is a tacit tribute to Dan Cloutier.

With Luongo’s new appointed captain-C, the possibility of Lil’ Schalongos (oh, hell, lets just call ‘em lil’ pricks – or better yet, Louie’s C-men) popping up on the West Coast are as common as two-diamond Surrey hookers hand drying their nylons in the Sandman Hotel bathroom.

But you really have to feel for the parents. They’re the ones that buy the jerseys, the equipment, the face paint. They’re also the ones who have to face their colleagues at work and shrug it off with a “you know kids” (shoulder shrug). Then, after a while, they get worn down. They get caught up in the Roberto Schalongo Schweep Schtakes. They give themselves a name, like “The Hairy Tangerines” or “Robbies Tight And Shinies”, and their transformation is complete. Game day becomes habit. The joy of being home from work slips into acquiescent pathos.

Hold still, son. Daddy’s gotta paint a meatball on your chin.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Sieve’n on the run… Vancouver should be fun.

Friday, July 18th, 2008

That’s right folks. The Sieve will be gracing the city of Vancouver with his presence next week. And just so that he doesn’t kick my ass too hard for not getting around to this FG business, I’m going to throw something up to save face.

In case you’re wondering, that’s Dallas Stars’ Mike Modano on the left and Jon (Napoleon Dynamite) Heder on the right. I’m not sure if Heder used Modano as his inspiration while preparing for his part in Blades of Glory, but his likeness to the long in the tooth (literally) NHL veteran is noted. Either way, they both look like 15 year old girls… but not hot.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Gil Chesterton to coach Maple Leafs

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008

The Toronto Maple Leafs, without a head coach since firing Paul Maurice after missing the playoffs in two consecutive seasons, have announced the position will be filled by campy former KACL food and restaurant critic Gil Chesterton.

The move comes as a surprise to many NHL analysts, since the Leafs have yet to hire a permanent replacement for interim general manager Cliff Fletcher. Most observers also assumed Canada’s team would hire someone with more experience, given the intense pressure of coaching in the hockey-mad Centre of the Universe.

When reached for comment, Chesterton said he was looking forward to acquainting himself with his team:

“Obviously our first priority will be to evaluate the players ahead of the upcoming draft. I plan to personally plumb the depth chart, to see what kind of tools we have on this team and where we can shore up our sweaty, glistening young talent. Oh, for Heaven’s sake! Frasier, have you seen my leave-in conditioner?”

- The Sieve

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Rusty Hextall and the Dirty Sanchez

Friday, March 21st, 2008

Ron Hextall and John Holmes

Sorry to have to burn this image into your brain, but if you have to, blame the Covered in Oil boys for bringing this one to my attention in their cleverly titled post the two moustaches of ron hextall.

Just to be clear… that’s former Flyers goalie Ron Hextall on the left being interviewed by ESPN’s Tom Mees. On the right is legendary porn star John Holmes. Not sure what to make of the naked interview, or Mees’ provocative introduction:

I know it has to be a bitter sweet moment for you but you gave us some thrills we won’t soon forget.

Uhhh …sure….The funny thing is Hextall’s stash and frizzy hair would fit in with the indie rock hipster look du jour. You can almost see him pulling up to Soma on his girlfriend’s 5 speed bike, wearing tight jeans and a white belt.

See for yourself:

Now scroll down the page and let the pics of Edyta Sliwinsk flush the fuzz from your eyes.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Stunt Doubles.

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

Michael Franti and Ronny Turiaf

On the left you have one Michael Franti – kind of a black Jack Johnson – however less likely to cause your 3 year old to give it up in the baby seat.

On the right is LA Lakers forward Ronny Turiaf, who likes to give it up when his teammates do something impressive on the court.

Not sure about you, but if my kid did the Axl Rose slide, I’d Axl-dentally leave the fucker on the roof of the car when leaving Wal-mart.

- Coach Mitch Mitchel

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Now playing: The Libertines – The Man Who Would Be King
via FoxyTunes

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